Hello you. One question I get asked frequently in my monkey stained mail bag is “Hey tramp, how do you get to watch all these awesome tv shows and movies before they are released?”. Well for TV shows I generally use a site called Ninjavideo.net, which famously was started by tv magician/mass murderer Paul Daniels.
But for movies I have recently stumbled upon a loophole in Apple’s website which allows you to view full, unreleased movies absolutely free. Now the movies tend to be slightly edited, losing between 5 and 98 mins off their intended run time. And often tend to have a stirring audio track placed over them, the the extent that you can often now even hear what is being said. Most interestingly though for these cuts of the movie they seem to show the scenes out of order and often with little or no context.
Still though it’s free so you can’t really complain.
Below I have complied some of my word based review letters for some recently viewed condesnsed movietory finds.
AVATAR
Avatar has apparently been in devleopment since 1994 and was originally meant to be released just after Titantic. Considering the amount of time that has obviously gone into it it is a little dissapointing to find it having a run time of 3 and a half minutes. The movie opens up with Sam “The Face Worthington opening his eyes and realising he is in wheelchair. Sam, or Jake Sully as he pretends to be called is seen wheeling his beautiful body through a bar showing sports. We, the viewer, are left to ponder whether this is how he lost the use of his legs. From watching too much sports. Sam then meets Kevin Spacey around the critical 17 second mark of the movie. Sam is hanging around the men’s toilets where Spaceman asks him if he wants a new start on a new planet where he can “make a difference”. Obviously Sam’s parents never warned him about making promises to men in the toilets of bars cos a flash of a planet show followed by a shot of a spaceship later and Sam is seen making a difference by wheeling down a ramp in his wheelchair while all the other marines spint away on their legs.
After this we are trated to a harrowing shot of Sam, in wheelchair and complete with a scuba diving mask (I think the allusion here is that he thnks through out the whole film that they are underwater). Sam wheels on by a giant robot and the obvious question we are supposed to ask is, “why can’t they make him a robochair?”. Maybe that’s in the sequel.
The next 20 seconds of the movie really zip along. It feels like barley 18 seconds. We are introduced to the scarred army general who crucially informs the team that they are “no longer in Kansas”. Presumably the prequel where they slaughter the indigenous people of the Sunflower State will be released one day.
The movie then introduces of the hidouesly disfigured sidekick of Sam in the movie. Although slightly human in form they are clearly meant to make us feel nauseoues and dislike them. But enough about Michelle Rodriguez. The Na’vi soon show up and start shouting at things. Then Giovanni Ribisi injects some much needed storyline into proceeding.
Turns out the Na’vi have these rocks that can spin around in the air. A sure fire Christmas must have toy, Ribisi and his evil consortium want to take it all. But
Posted on April 25, 2010
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